Sunday, 3 February 2013

How To Speak Anime

Everyone and their dog is making these “How To Speak English” or “Internet” or “American” videos. But I haven’t seen an anime one yet, so here’s my guide to anime tropes.

An attractive member of the female species.

Defined by his/her (generally her) shyness. Often a Moe as well.

Cute, but very clumsy. Think Bella Swan, but actually cute. Uh, and clumsy.

Genki Girl
Genki means energetic. As in, if you don’t move, she’ll bounce right over you.

Jidai Geki
A historical drama, often set in feudal Japan.

Kawaii doesn’t translate exactly to English. It’s not cute per se, more the concept of cuteness. Anything ending in -ko is female, so… a cute little girl. Sugar and spice and all that.

A sexy, sadistic boyfriend. Think Edward Cullen. But sexy.

Kichiku Megane
A sexy, sadistic boyfriend with adorable little glasses. That makes everything better, right?

Bitchy on the outside, sweet on the inside. Like my dear friend X*, but, you know, nice.

Mahou Shoujo
A young female superhero gains powers and fights evil, rarely without her favourite Kichiku.

The many subgenres of mahusive robot animes, and/or the robots they’re based on.

Boys with glasses, who are therefore cute. Squee.

Means ‘glasses girl’, but pretty much a Moe with glasses. Note that without the glasses, she probably wouldn’t be a Moe.

The cutest girl possible. Which is apparently sexy, if you ignore the fact that most of them are under fourteen.

An anime nerd. Note that in Japan, this term isn’t exactly a compliment.

The dominant guy in a yaoi anime.

Bitchy one minute, sweet the next, pissed off, apologetic, hot-tempered, wouldn’t hurt a fly… you get the idea.

Like a Tsundere, but instead of being sweet half the time, she’s depressed.

The submissive guy in a yaoi anime.

She’s cute, but she’s also a psychopath.

A gay romance.

A lesbian romance, often fanservice-heavy.

Love always,

* Sarcasm.

Thursday, 31 January 2013

I Have No Idea What To Say

…so I thought I’d enlighten you on my life.

1. Boys are confusing.

2. I’m friends with a group of crazy, permanently single geeks. So for Valentine’s Day, we’re buying each other chocolates.

3. My friend circle’s Love Dodecahedron (containing P, G and E) is becoming more awkward for P by the day. She asked out G the other day, and got rejected. I’m guessing she likes J as well as E now, but to be honest, she likes a different boy every week, so I’m not all that bothered.

4. It’s easier to be a boy. You walk up to another boy, go “Alright, mate?” and you’re instant friends. If a girl sees a girl she’d otherwise be friends with, and that second girl’s with a reasonably fit boy, I can guarantee that first girl’s thinking “Look at that bitch with the fit guy, thinking she’s so special.” If the second girl (okay, fine. First girl’s called Amy, second one’s Lola) has nice hair, Amy will think “Look at that bitch with the hair (it’s never ‘the nice hair’ or ‘the blonde hair’ or ‘the straight hair’, it’s always ‘the hair’). Bet she spent hours straightening it. Slut.” If Lola has nice clothes, Amy will think “Look at that bitch with the clothes. Bet they’re all from Primark, the cheapskate.” You get the idea. (No, I’m not Amy. Or Lola, for that matter.)

5. Boys that show their feelings are so much cuter than boys that pretend they’re tough as nails. (My brain is too fried to be un-clichéd.)

6. Chuck Wendig is funny. Check out his blog.

7. Boys are confusing.

Love always,

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Cut for Mikey

Disclaimer: This is my opinion, and I have the right to change it. If I get facts wrong, I’m sorry. You’ll live. As always, feel free to comment.

NB: As stated before (in another post), when I’m angry, I swear. Especially at first. If you’re offended by profanity, you probably shouldn’t read this.

My first thoughts: You fucking twats. Why? MCR is against self harm. It’s pretty much what they’re about, apart from awesome music. You know, the first lyrics they wrote were “You’re not in this alone”. And really, after slagging off those Cut for Bieber trolls, you cut for Mikey? You dicks.

*gears up for a rant*

Mikey Way has cheated on his wife of seven years. With a 20-year-old.

Personally, I think cheats are absolute scum. If something’s that wrong with your relationship that you feel you have to go elsewhere, you should at least mention it to your partner. Talk through it. See if you can make things work. Because love gives you the power to break someone, and it’s not fun being broken.

But Mikey cheating isn’t any of your business. Does it really affect your life? So much so that you feel you have to do the last thing any of MCR wants you to do, ever? Is one guy dicking around* really worth disappointing one of your favourite bands**?

And do you really want to be painted with the same brush as Beliebers?

Yeah, no. You’re better than that***. You don’t want to be called a Justin Bieber fan because you cut over your idols, do you? And more importantly – they don’t want you to cut.

tl;dr Yeah, cheating is stupid. No, you shouldn’t cut over it.‡

Love always,

* To dick is a verb. It means to be a dick. Honest.
** I’m assuming people that cut for Mikey like MCR.
*** No offense to Beliebers. Just MCR-ers (Romantics? Hell yeah) have better music taste than you. The disclaimer’s there for a reason.
‡ If it’s over your relationships… well, people still shouldn’t cut, but I empathize. (Wait, what? I’ve never been in a relationship. I understand more, then.)

Monday, 28 January 2013

Unsent Letters

Do you know how to speak Internet? (Danisnotonfire + Jacksgap = ♥.)
I’m not good with feels. At all. So instead of telling people that I can’t even, I write it out. Like this.
(And I change the names. Amy and Bob are my standard Average Joe names. Or, you know, I could just call them Joe… I like Bob better.)

You really loved your girlfriend, didn’t you?
And somehow, it feels like everything I say, you compare to her.
I’ve never broken up with someone. Hell, I’ve never gone out with them in the first place. But I know it can’t be good to be this… this upset.
You’re not talking to her now, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing. Because even if she made you think otherwise, girls like having friends. And I don’t know you that well, but I’d bet she wanted to stay friends.
Girls are good at lying. We have to be. We lie about our face (“Of course I’m not wearing make up!”). We lie about our friends (“I love them all!” We don’t. Trust me on that one). We lie about who we like and don’t like, because it’s safer that way. We don’t get hurt. Everyone’s happy.
Except we’re not. Because we lie so much, no one knows how we really feel. And we get upset when no one understands, when deep down, it’s our fault.
Maybe you should try talking to Amy. I know you have already, but maybe you should try again. And maybe this time, she’ll listen.
I don’t believe in altruism. (Aw.) And I do have a reason for saying this other than the fact it might make you happier (well, less upset). You feeling better is the main reason, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t others.
It’s complicated (when isn’t it?), but it essentially boils down to two things: “It hurts when you’re upset” and “I’m not Amy, and I don’t like being compared to her”.
I’m not jealous of her. I’m really not. If you have Skype, I will say it to your face.
I just don’t like being compared to something – or someone – I’m not.

I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business. I know that I’m not going to send this, so it’s not fair of me to say it. And I know that you really do miss Amy.
But to be honest, I’m tired of lying.
I like you. And one day, I’ll find a way to show you.

It doesn’t necessarily make me feel better, but it helps. And sometimes, that’s enough.

Love always,

Friday, 25 January 2013

Notice: The Death of the Interwebs

This post is supposed to release at 5.25. I think. It’s timed. Yay technology.
Our internet isn’t working*, so I might not post on Monday. We’re having maintenance done. I’ll post as soon as I can. Promise.

You should listen to Of Monsters And Men. They’re similar to Imagine Dragons, but more… I don’t know. Imagine Dragons could be more popular if more people had heard of them. Of Monsters And Men… some people love them, some think they’re just Swedish hipster kids. End-quote. (In no way are they Swedish hipster kids. Apart from being Swedish.)

You should also watch this spoof. *snickers*

Love always,

* It won’t be when you see this.

Thursday, 24 January 2013

I’m messed up, and possibly bipolar

Only one of my friends knows I cut, and she thinks I’ve stopped. It’s ironic that the closest person I have to a best friend doesn’t like wrists because she’s squeamish about cutting.
I don’t know why I find that kind of funny. I have a really twisted sense of humour. And she’s the person I’d be most likely to tell, too.
But… it’s not fair on her. It’d hurt her.
My parents think I’ve stopped too. It’s not like my mum cared anyway. She’s too disappointed I’m not a carbon copy of her to accept I might actually have opinions of my own. And my dad’s kind of scary when he’s drinking or angry, which is happening a lot at the moment. Even if he’s not drunk, I get scared when he has a glass of wine. He’s not abusive or anything, just… he says stuff he’d never say when he’s sober. And he never remembers it either. I never bring it up.

I’m messed up.

It’d be better if I wasn’t alive, really. What kind of girl makes a New Year’s Resolution to kill herself? Helium’s painless, and my parents wouldn’t need to know. I could pretend I was getting it for a party. And seeing as I used to aquascape (like landscaping, but in an aquarium), I could say I was going to try and get back into it. Scaping hose doesn’t leak gas. Good for injecting CO2 into aquaria. Or helium into an exit bag, which you can get all too easily. Even Tesco sells bags you could use. Oversized freezer bags, for example, or miniature bin bags.
It’s too simple to commit suicide. And no one would really care. They’d be better off without me.
Sometime before the end of April would be good, but really, the sooner the better.

I’ve thought about it far too much. I’ve researched. (Yeah, I have all sorts of tables and graphs and articles hidden away. And people say I’m not that nerdy.) I’m going to go through with it, and I’m not going to fail. Because I’ve never failed anything before, and this is in no way going to be the first.

And I keep my word. I said I was going to do it. Might as well get it over and done with.

Although, I think I deserve a week’s worth of mochas (every day at school) before I start buying things, because one can’t keep on top of all the homework Year 8 gets, one’s internet duties, and suicide preparations all at once.

Love always,

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

My Opinion-Not-A-Review Of Chasing Venus

(No, it’s not Rihanna’s latest chart topper, it’s a romantic suspense by Diana Dempsey.)
Contains spoilers for Up, Harry Potter and, naturally, the novel itself.
I downloaded Chasing Venus because it was
a) by Diana Dempsey – I’d read her novel Falling Star before and loved it
b) had a pretty awesome chick-lit-y cover (I’m a sucker for chick lit)
c) I’d read a sample somewhere and it teased my writerly tastebuds
d) it had good reviews
e) it was free
I recommend you go and download it.

Rating: ★★★★

I literally could not put Venus down. And Annie and Reid’s story is beautifully written. But when I finished it… I had a few nitpicks.
Annie’s a fantastically complex character, but there were a couple of OOC* moments that bugged me. (It’s a product of reading too much fanfiction.)
May I mention the movie ‘Up’? At one moment–


Wow, excuse the Americanism. I spend too much time on the interwebs.
Take the ‘yer a wizard’ out and you’ve got Reid sussed. (Yeah. No one ships Reid×Hermione. My point is proved.)

*Spoilers end*

My verdict: It’s fun to read and even better to nitpick.

Love always,

* Out Of Character
** No offense to Harmony shippers.

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Why Suffocation Doesn’t Kill You

Your brain doesn’t know when it’s running out of oxygen, but it knows that there’s too much carbon dioxide.
Helium is different to carbon dioxide.

Just saying.

Love always,

Important Note of Notes

Guys, I’m really sorry. The Blogger app doesn’t show you people’s comments. I was getting a link for another post and was like SHIT PEOPLE READ MY BLOG AND FUCKING COMMENT AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT I’M A CRAPPY BLOGGER
Yeah. So I’m going through your comments now and I swear I’ll reply to them all.
Again, sorry.

Also: No, X. If you’ve figured out who N is, I don’t like him. At all. I did… once. Just… no.
And don’t get any ideas about me liking other guys either.
(It’s easy for X. E likes her, P and S like E. IT’S A LOVE TRIANGLE.)

Love always,

This should really be on my sidebar…

…but the Blogger app isn’t advanced enough (yeah, Blogger, I’m talking ’bout you) to let you edit your theme.

Or: Various writerly links I’m putting together for a friend. X, this is all your fault. (Wait, no. Look, if you look at my posts mentioning you, or ones tagged ‘personal’, I will… die metaphorically. Yup. Don’t go there.)

As well as my other links post (which I recommend you look at first), I give you:

How Chuck Wendig Writes A Novel

How To Structure A Killer Novel Ending

For lack of a better title, Chuck Wendig On Themish Shit And Stuff

How To Craft Compelling Characters (or, Why People Should Give A Fuck About Your Imaginary Friends)

How To Start A Novel Right (note: this post is like if the literary gods joined and had a love child called How To Write An Opening*. No shit.)

Tension (the literary gods’ve been at it again)

Love always,

* I’ve been reading too much Chuck Wendig.**
** That isn’t possible. Fuck you, logic.